You suck less than most people.

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Bff 4 Eva

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You’re pretty much my favorite of all time in the history of ever.

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Holy Aperoly

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Proud to be

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Yaassss Queen

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Riot Girl

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Future Milf

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Carpe fucking diem

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Sounds gay. I’m in!

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gay af

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In a world full of idiots, you are my favorite one.

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Can’t do epic shit with basic people

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Your vagina deserves better

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You go girl!

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be a legend!

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We are the best.

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If you sexist me, I will feminist you

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Resting Witch Face

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May orgasms be with you

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You are the one I text when I am drunk.

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Du bist nicht nur der Hammer, sondern der ganze Werkzeugkasten

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you are the best

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BFF

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You are the brightest thing in my life

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A wise woman once said – f*ck this sh*t – she lived happily ever after

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I miss you, so I’m sending you a great big hug in a jar.

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Sometimes you forget – you’re awesome – so this is your reminder

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I wish, I could take away your pain and give it to someone we both really hate.

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A long distance bestie hug

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PJs + Blankie + Netflix. Let’s go crazy

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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Sending you a great big hug in a jar

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Jingle Balls

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It’s about f*cking time! Happy Engagement

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Truly, I’m the gift that keeps on giving.

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Bitch, you are getting old. ❤️

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Smells like freshly signed divorce papers

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Thank you for being absolutely bloody brilliant

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A reminder of how hot you are

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FUCKING SUPER STAR

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very demure, very mindful

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Rude that you are younger than me but ok.

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How the F did we get this old?!

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Can’t wait to get pissed on your birthday.

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Happy Birthday you bearded badass 💖

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MAKE RACISM WRONG AGAIN

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Brat

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Good. Vibes. Only.

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You’re AWESOME! Keep that shit up

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